英语笑话故事（英语幽默笑话小故事）

本文目录

• 英语幽默笑话小故事
• 英语笑话故事
• 短的英语笑话故事
• 好笑的英语笑话故事

英语幽默笑话小故事

英语幽默笑话小故事

　 　英语幽默笑话小故事一：

　　Very Pleased to Meet YouDuring World War II, a lot of young women in Britain were in the army. Joan Phillips was one of them. She worked in a big camp, and of course met a lot of men, officers and soldiers. One evening she met Captain Humphreys at a dance. He said to her, "I’m going abroad tomorrow, but I’d be very happy if we could write to each other." Joan agreed, and they wrote for several months. Then his letters stopped, but she received one from another officer, telling her that he had been wounded and was in a certain army hospital in England. Joan went there and said to the matron, "I’ve come to visit Captain Humphreys." "Only relatives are allowed to visit patients here," the matron said. "Oh, that’s all right," answered Joan. "I’m his sister." "I’m very pleased to meet you," the matron said, "I’m his mother!"

　　 英语幽默笑话小故事二：

　　Two SoldiersTwo soldiers were in camp. The first one’s name was George, and the second one’s name was Bill. George said, "have you got a piece of paper and an envelope, Bill?" Bill said, "Yes, I have," and he gave them to him. Then George said, "Now I haven’t got a pen." Bill gave him his, and George wrote his letter. Then he put it in the envelope and said, "have you got a stamp, Bill?" Bill gave him one. Then Bill got up and went to the door, so George said to him, "Are you going out?" Bill Said, "Yes, I am," and he opened the door. George said, "Please put my letter in the box in the office, and..." He stopped. "What do you want now?" Bill said to him. George looked at the envelope of his letter and answered, "What’s your girl-friend’s address?"

　　 英语幽默笑话小故事三：

　　est Point My father, brother and I visited West Point to see a football game between Army and Boston College. Taking a stroll before kickoff, we met many cadets in neatly pressed uniforms. Several visting fans asked the recruits if they would pose for photographs, "to show our son what to expect if he should attend West Point." One middle-aged couple approached a very attractive female cadet and asked her to pose for a picture. They explained, "We want to show our son what he missed by not coming to West Point."

英语笑话故事

精品英语笑话故事（精选6篇）

　　口香糖有助于他们防止耳鸣。飞机着陆后，困惑怎么才能把口香糖从耳朵里面取出来呢?以下是我为你带来精品英语笑话故事，欢迎阅读。

　　英语笑话故事 篇1

　　It had been many years since my last eye exam,and my wife was pestering me to make an appointment. The more she nagged , the more I procrastinated. Finally，she made an appointment for me.

　　我己经很多年没做眼睛检查了。我妻子总是催我去挂个号。她越是督我，我越是耽搁不去。最后，她替我挂了个号。

　　The day before I was to see the doctor，I was in an affectionate mood. After kissing and hugging her, I told her she really looked. good to me.,

　　在我去见医生的前一天，我的情绪特别好。我对妻于又是亲又是抱，还说她是我眼里最漂亮的女人.

　　"That does it,”she said.“I’m canceling your appointment."

　　她说:“这回眼睛没问题了，那我现在就去把号退了。”

　　英语笑话故事 篇2

　　Two young boys were spending the night at their grandparents’ house. At bedtime, the two boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers, when the younger one began praying at the top of his lungs: "I pray for a bicycle. I pray for a new toy."

　　两个小男孩在祖父母家过夜。睡觉的时候，两个小男孩跪在床边开始祈祷，这时小一些的孩子扯开嗓子大声喊道：“我祈求得到一辆自行车。我祈求有一个新玩具。”

　　His older brother leaned over, nudged him and said, "Why are you shouting your prayers? God isn’t deaf."

　　他的哥哥靠过来，用肘轻碰他说：“你为什么这么大声喊叫呢？上帝又不是聋子。”

　　To which the little brother replied, "No, but Grandma is!"

　　弟弟回答说：“是的，但是奶奶听不到呀！”

　　英语笑话故事 篇3

　　A tourist passing through South Dakota stopped at a blood bank to make a donation. Afterward，he was resting on a cot and saw another donor, who appeared to be a Native American.

　　有个旅行者在穿越南达科这州时，在一家肤血站献了血.献血后他坐在一张小床上休息。这时，他见到另一个人前来献血.那个人看起来好像是美国的本土人。这个旅行家于是就和他攀谈起来。“你是不是住在路那边的苏族印地安人保护区?”

　　The tourist struck up a conversation and asked,”Do you live on the Sioux reservation up the road?"

　　“没错儿。”那人回答.

　　"Yes，"the man replied.

　　“你是百分之百血统的苏族印地安人吗?”

　　"Are you a full-blooded Sioux?"

　　“噢，不能完全这么说?. "那人说:“我现在就缺少了一品脱的血.”

　　"Well，actually，no，"said the man. "Right now I’m a pint low. "

　　英语笑话故事 篇4

　　After my husband，John，and I moved to Michigan from Nebraska，our new friends，proud of their beautiful tree一lined roads，teased us about the Mid-west’s dull，flat，treeless land. When my parents，Nebraska farmers，visited us，I asked them about their trip.

　　我和丈夫约翰从内布拉斯加搬到密西根后，我们新认识的朋友们总为他们美丽的`林荫大过引以为荣.他们嘲讽我们的中西部平原荒凉、贫瘩，连株枯树都没有。后来我父母从内布拉斯加的老家来看我们，我问他们对旅途的感受。

　　What a boring drive，"my father replied."Once you get to Michigan, there’s nothing to see but trees."

　　我父亲抱怨着:“枯澡，乏味，一进入密西根，除了树什么都没有。”

　　英语笑话故事 篇5

　　The little girl was sitting in her grandfather’s lap as he read her a story. From time to time, she would take her eyes’ off the book and reach up to touch his wrinkled cheek. By and by she was alternately stroking her own cheek, then his again.

　　小女孩坐在祖父的膝上读故事。她时不时的从书上转移视线抬起头来碰到他褶皱的脸。随后她摸摸自己的脸颊又回去摸摸祖父的。

　　Finally she spoke, "Granddaddy, did God make you?"

　　最后她问：“爷爷，是上帝创造的你吗？”

　　"Yes, sweetheart" he answered, "God made me a long time ago."

　　“是啊，甜心。”他回答道：“上帝很久前创造出了我。”

　　"Oh" she said, then "Granddaddy, did God make me too?"

　　“喔。”她回答。接着又问道：“爷爷，上帝也创造了我吗？”

　　"Yes, indeed honey" he assured her. "God made you just a little while ago."

　　“是啊，当然了宝贝。”他向她保证：“上帝只是不久前创造的你。”

　　"Oh" she said. Feeling their respective faces again, she observed, "God’s getting better at it now isn’t he?"

　　“喔。”她回答。又分别感受了两人的脸颊，边观察边说：“上帝的技术越来越好了，是不？”

　　英语笑话故事 篇6

　　Little Johnny says "Mom, when I was on the bus with Daddy this morning,

　　小强尼说：“妈妈，今天早上和爸爸在公车上时，

　　he told me to give up my seat to a lady."

　　他叫我让座给一位女士。”

　　"You’ve done the right thing," says Mommy.

　　妈妈说：“你做得很对呀。”

　　"But Mommy, I was sitting on daddy’s lap."

　　“但是，妈妈，我是坐在爸爸膝盖上的。”

短的英语笑话故事

短的英语笑话故事大全（精选13篇）

　　笑话具有篇幅短小，故事情节简单而巧妙，往往出人意料，给人突然之间笑神来了的奇妙感觉的特点。大多揭示生活中乖谬的现象，具有讽刺性和娱乐性。其趣味有高下之分。接下来由我为大家整理出短的英语笑话故事，仅供参考，希望能够帮助到大家！

　　短的英语笑话故事 篇1

　　Where is your beard?

　　After many years, a young Jewish Talmud student who had left the old country for America returns to visit the family. "But--where is your beard?" asks his mother upon seeing him. "Mama," he replies, "in America, nobody wears a beard." "But at least you keep the Sabbath?" "Mama, business is business. In America, everybody works on the Sabbath." "But kosher food you still eat?" "Mama, in America, it is very difficult to keep kosher." The old lady ponders this information and then leans over and whispers in his ear, "Isaac, tell me--you’re still circumcised?"

　　短的英语笑话故事 篇2

　　They Didn’t Have Nike’s In Those Days

　　A young boy had just gotten his driving permit. He asked his father, who was a minister, if they could discuss his use of the car. His father said to him, "I’ll make a deal with you. You bring your grades up, study the bible a little, and get your hair cut, then we’ll talk about it."

　　A month later the boy came back and again asked his father if he could use the car. His father said, "Son, I’m really proud of you. You brought your grades up, studied the bible well, but you didn’t get your hair cut!"

　　The young man waited a moment and then replied, "You know dad, I’ve been thinking about that. Samson had long hair, Moses had long hair, Noah had long hair, and even Jesus had long hair."

　　His father replied, "Yes son, and they walked everywhere they went."

　　短的英语笑话故事 篇3

　　Polly Want a WHAT?

　　This lady approaches a priest and tells him, "Father, I have a problem. I have these two talking female parrots, but they only know how to say one thing."

　　"What do they say?" the priest asked.

　　"They only know how to say, ’Hi, we are prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?’"

　　"That’s terrible!" the priest exclaimed, "But I have a solution to your problem. Bring your two talking female parrots over to my house and I will put them with my two male talking parrots who I have taught to pray and read the Bible. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase and your female parrots will learn to pray and worship."

　　"Thank you," said the lady.

　　The next day, the lady brings her female parrots to the priest’s house. The priest’s two male parrots are holding rosary beads and praying in their cage.

　　The lady puts her female talking parrots in with the male talking parrots and the female parrots say, "Hi, we are prostitutes! Do you want to have some fun?"

　　One male parrot looks over to the other male parrot and screams, "Frank! Put the Bibles away--our prayers have been answered!"

　　短的英语笑话故事 篇4

　　Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to Chinafromher visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. It made the old lady out of patience.

　　At last she could not hold any more, uttering. "Trust me, Sir, and trust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directlyfromAmerica."

　　短的英语笑话故事 篇5

　　Midway Tactics

　　Three competing store owners rented adjoining shops in a mall. Observers waited for mayhem to ensue.

　　The retailer on the right put up huge signs saying, "Gigantic Sale!" and "Super Bargains!"

　　The store on the left raised bigger signs proclaiming, "Prices Slashed!" and "Fantastic Discounts!"

　　The owner in the middle then prepared a large sign that simply stated, "ENTRANCE".

　　短的英语笑话故事 篇6

　　Five Months Older

　　The Second World War had begun, and John wanted to join the army, but he was only 16 years old, and boys were allowed to join only if they were over 18. So when the army doctor examined him, he said that he was 18.

　　But John‘s brother had joined the army a few days before, and the same doctor had examined him too. This doctor remembered the older boy‘s family name, so when he saw John‘s papers, he was surprised.

　　"How old are you?" he said.

　　"Eighteen, sir," said John.

　　"But your brother was eighteen, too," said the doctor. "Are you twins?"

　　"Oh, no, sir," said John, and his face went red. "My brother is five months older than I am."

　　短的英语笑话故事 篇7

　　West Point

　　My father, brother and I visited West Point to see a football game between Army and Boston College. Taking a stroll before kickoff, we met many cadets in neatly pressed uniforms. Several visting fans asked the recruits if they would pose for photographs, "to show our son what to expect if he should attend West Point."

　　One middle-aged couple approached a very attractive female cadet and asked her to pose for a picture. They explained, "We want to show our son what he missed by not coming to West Point."

　　短的.英语笑话故事 篇8

　　Be Careful What You Wish For

　　A couple had been married for 25 years and were celebrating their 60th birthdays, which fell on the same day.

　　During the celebration a fairy appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple for all 25 years, she would give them one wish each.

　　The wife wanted to travel around the world. The fairy waved her hand, and Boom! She had the tickets in her hand.

　　Next, it was the husband‘s turn. He paused for a moment, then said shyly, "Well, I‘d like to have a woman 30 years younger than me."

　　The fairy picked up her wand, and Boom! He was ninety.

　　短的英语笑话故事 篇9

　　Napoleon Was Ill

　　Jack had gone to the university to study history, but at the end of his first year, his history professor failed him in his examinations, and he was told that he would have to leave the university. However, his father decided that he would go to see the professor to urge him to let Jack continue his studies the following year.

　　"He‘s a good boy," said Jack‘s father, "and if you let him pass this time, I‘m sure he‘ll improve a lot next year and pass the examinations at the end of it really well."

　　"No, no, that‘s quite impossible," replied the professor immediately. "Do you know, last month I asked him when Napoleon had died, he didn‘t know!"

　　"Please, sir, give him another chance," said Jack‘s father. "You see, I‘m afraid we don‘t take any newspaper in our house, so none of us even know that Napoleon was ill."

　　短的英语笑话故事 篇10

　　He Was Only Wrong by Two

　　Jack Hawkins was the football coach at an Amercian college, and he was always trying to find good players, but they weren‘t always smart enought to be accepted by the college.

　　One day the coach brought an excellent young player to the dean of the college and asked that the student be allowed to enter without an examination. "Well," the dean said after some persuasion, "I‘d better ask him a few questions first."

　　Then he turned to the student and asked him some very easy questions, but the student didn‘t know any of the answers.

　　At last the dean said, "Well, what‘s five times seven?"

　　The student thought for a long time and then answered, "Thirty-six."

　　The dean threw up his hands and looked at the coach in despair, but the coach said earnestly, "Oh, please let him in, sir! He was only wrong by two."

　　短的英语笑话故事 篇11

　　I worked as a mailman for a short time. However, I am afraid of dogs and I had a lot of trouble.

　　One day I tried to deliver some letters to a big house. I started to open the gate and all of a sudden a huge dog ran towards me.It growled and barked at me, I threw the letters over the fence. The dog picked them up and carried them into the house. The dog was a better mailman than I was!

　　短的英语笑话故事 篇12

　　good news and bad news

　　"there’s good news and bad news," the divorce lawyer told his client.

　　"i could sure use some good news," sighed the client. "what’s it?"

　　"your wife isn’t demanding that your future inheritances be included in the settlement."

　　"and the bad news?"

　　"after the divorce, she’s marrying your father."

　　短的英语笑话故事 篇13

　　After my husband，John，and I moved to Michigan from Nebraska，our new friends，proud of their beautiful tree一lined roads，teased us about the Mid-west’s dull，flat，treeless land. When my parents，Nebraska farmers，visited us，I asked them about their trip.

　　What a boring drive，"my father replied."Once you get to Michigan, there’s nothing to see but trees."

好笑的英语笑话故事

好笑的英语笑话故事

　　你知道学些笑话的好处么?当第一次见面的’时候，总是有不知道该说什么的尴尬，这时候你就需要一些笑话，来缓解一下气氛呢，这里我为你收集整理了好笑的英语笑话故事，希望能对你有所帮助哈!

　　好笑的英语笑话故事一：The Foreman’s Position 陪审团主席

　　A judge in a small city was hearing a drunk-driving case and the defendant1, who had both a record and a reputation for driving under the influence, demanded a jury trial. It was nearly 4 p. m. and getting a jury would take time, so the judge called a recess2 and went out in the hall looking to impanel anyone available for jury duty. He found a dozen lawyers in the main lobby and told them that they were a jury.

　　The lawyers thought this would be a novel experience and so followed the judge back to the courtroom. The trial was over in about 10 minutes and it was very clear that the defendant was guilty. The jury went into the jury-room, the judge started getting ready to go home, and everyone waited.

　　After nearly three hours, the judge was totally out of patience and sent the bailiff into the jury-room to see what was holding up the verdict. When the bailiff returned, the judge said, "Well have they got a verdict yet?"

　　The bailiff shook his head and said, "Verdict? Hell, they’re still doing nominating speeches for the foreman’s position!"

　　在一个小城市，一位法官正在审理一起酒后驾车案件。被告不仅有过酒后驾车的记录，而且声誉也不是太好，现在只是缺少一个陪审团作出裁决。因为已经接近下午四点，找个陪审团来会耽误很多时间。因此，法官宣布休庭后，就到外面随便挑选了一些人来充当陪审团。刚一出门，他就发现大 厅刚好有12个律师，便请求他们充当陪审团。

　　听了法官的话，这些律师们认为这将会是一次新奇的经历，因此，便跟随法官回到了法庭。不到10分钟，案子就已接近尾声，因为被告明显是有罪的。陪审团回到陪审室进行商议，法官就等着宣布结果，马上回家。每个人都在等待着最后的判决。

　　大概过了3个小时，法官已经彻底失去了耐心，便派法警去看看判决为什么耽误了这么久。当法警回来后，法官问他：“怎么样?他们是否作出了最后的判决?”

　　法警摇摇头说：“判决?天啊，他们为了推选陪审团主席，还在进行演讲呢!”

　　好笑的英语笑话故事二：The Lawyer’s Death Certificate

　　A defending attorney was cross examining a coroner.

　　The attorney asks, "Before you signed the death certificate had you taken the man’s pulse?"

　　The coroner says, "No."

　　The attorney then asks, "Did you listen for a heart beat?"

　　"No."

　　"So when you signed the death certificate you had not taken any steps to make sure the man was dead, had you?"

　　The coroner, now tired of the brow beating says, "Well, let me put it this way. The man’s brain was sitting in a jar on my desk, but for all I know he could be out there practicing law somewhere."

　　好笑的英语笑话故事三：sleep in the barn

　　A police chief, a fire chief, and a city manager were traveling together by car to a municipal management conference in a distant city. Their car broke down in a rural area, and they were forced to seek shelter for the night at a nearby farmhouse. The farmer welcomed them in, but cautioned them that there were only two spare beds, and that one of them would have to sleep in the barn with the farm animals. After a short conference, the police chief agreed to take the barn. Shortly after retiring, a knock was heard on the door of the farmhouse. The party inside answered to find the police chief standing there, complaining that he could not sleep.

　　There were pigs in the barn, he said, and he was reminded of the days when everyone called him a pig. The fire chief then volunteered to exchange with the police chief. A short time later, another knock was heard at the door. The fire chief complained that the cows in the barn reminded him of Mrs. O’Leary’s cow that started the Chicago fire, and that every time he started to go to sleep, he started to have a fireman’s worst nightmare, that of burning to death. The city attorney, in desperation for sleep, then agreed to sleep in the barn. This seemed like a good idea until a few minutes later, when another knock was heard at the door. When the occupants answered the door, there stood the very indignant cows and pigs.