英语幽默笑话（又幽默又短的英语笑话）

本文目录

• 又幽默又短的英语笑话
• 幽默英语笑话带中文
• 世界上最好笑的英语笑话大全
• 英语幽默笑话7篇
• 英语课堂上的幽默笑话
• 英语幽默笑话大全带翻译
• 幽默的英语笑话短文
• 英语幽默笑话

又幽默又短的英语笑话

又幽默又短的英语笑话，希望能让你开心！

一、英语幽默短笑话1：　

Mike:Mum,I want to watch TV.　　

Mum:There is no electricity tonight.　　

Mike:Then let’s watch TVwith a candie on.　　

迈克：妈妈，我想看电视。　　

妈妈：今晚停电了。　　

迈克：那我们就点着蜡烛看吧。

二、英语幽默短笑话2

The Fish Net

"Can you tell me what fish net is made, Ann?"

"A lot of little holes tied together with strings." replied the little girl.

"你能告诉我鱼网是什么做的吗，安?" 老师发问道。

"把许多小孔用绳子栓在一起就成了鱼网了。" 小女孩回答道。

三、英语幽默短笑话3

Waiter, this lobster has only one claw.

I’m sorry, sir. It must have been in a fight.

Well, bring me the winner then.

服务员， 这个龙虾只有一只爪。

对不起，先生，这只肯定打过架了。

哦， 那给我那个打赢的吧。

幽默英语笑话带中文

幽默英语笑话带中文

　　会讲笑话的人都是有幽默感的人，有幽默感的人患上抑郁症的可能性就大为减少，接下来一起来看看幽默英语笑话带中文，看看你的幽默指数吧!

　　幽默英语笑话带中文一：跳板

　　The cruise ship my friend was working on docked(停驻) at a Mexican port during a very high tide. Everyone on board was forced to use the ship’s narrow gangplank(跳板，踏板) as a passageway to the dock far below.The staff stood motionless when a passenger in her 70s appear at the top of the plank(厚木板，支架) . There wasn’t room for anyone to assist her, so she edged along slowly and finally made it to the dock safely, to everyone’s relief. As she stepped down, she turned, looked back at the top of the plank and shouted, "It’s okay, Mother, you can come down now."

　　幽默英语笑话带中文二：I work for 7up"!我可是在七喜公司工作呀

　　Four best friends met at the hospital since their wives were giving births to their babies.The nurse comes up to the first man and says,"Congratulations,you got twins." The man said "How strange,I’m the manager of Minnesota Twins." After awhile the nurse comes up to the second man and says,"Congratulations,you got triplets." Man was like "Hmmm,strange I worked as a director for the "3 musketeers." Finally,the nurse comes up to the third man and says

　　"Congratulations,you got twins x2." Man is happy and says,"Ironic,I work for the hotel "4 Seasons." All three of them are happy until they see their last buddy jumping all over the place,cursing God and banging his head on the wall.They asked him what’s wrong and he answered,"What’s wrong?I work for 7up"!

　　四个好朋友在医院里碰面了,他们的妻子正在生产.护士过来对第一个男人说:"恭喜,你得了双胞胎."男人说:"多奇怪呀,我是明尼苏达双子队的经理."过了一会儿,护士过来对第二个男人说:"恭喜,你得了三胞胎."男人很喜欢:"嗯,又巧了.我是3M公司的董事."最后,护士跑来对第三个男人说:"恭喜,你得了2对双胞胎."男人很开心地说:"真令人啼笑皆非,我为四季宾馆工作."他们三个都很高兴,但第四个伙伴急得像热锅上的蚂蚁,咒骂上帝并用头撞墙.他们问他有什么不对劲,他回答道:"什么不对劲?我可是在七喜公司工作呀!"

　　幽默英语笑话带中文三：蛋糕

　　Dick was seven years old,and his sister,Catherine,was five.One day their mother took them to their aunt’s house to play while she went to the big city to buy some new clothes.

　　The children played for an hour,and then at half past four their aunt took Dick into the kitchen.She gave him a nice cake and a knife and said to him,"Now here’s a knife,Dick.Cut this cake in half and give one of the pieces to your sister,but remember to do it like a gentleman."

　　"Like a gentleman?" Dick asked."How do gentlemen do it?"

　　"They always give the bigger piece to the other person." answered his aunt at once.

　　"Oh" said Dick.He thought about this for a few seconds.Then he took the cake to his sister and said to her,"Cut this cake in half,Catherine.".

　　迪克年龄七岁,他的妹妹凯瑟琳五岁.一天,妈妈把他们带到姨妈家去玩,自己就到大城市去买些新的衣服.

　　孩子们玩了个把小时,在四点半的.时候,姨妈领着迪克走进了厨房.她交给迪克一块精美的蛋糕和一把刀子,并对他说：“喏,迪克,给你刀子,把这块蛋糕一切为二,给你妹妹一块.不过,你得记住要做得像一个绅士那样.”

　　迪克问：“像一个绅士?绅士怎样做呢?”

　　他姨妈马上回答说：“绅士总是把大的一块让给别人的.”

　　迪克说了一声“噢”.他对此想了一会,然后,他把蛋糕拿给妹妹,并对她说：“凯瑟琳,你来把这块蛋糕一切为二吧.”

　　幽默英语笑话带中文四：

　　Two guys are out hunting deer. The first guy says, "Did you see that?"

　　两个人去猎鹿。第一个人说：“你看见了么?”

　　"No," the second guy says.

　　“没有。”第二个人说。

　　"Well, a bald eagle just flew overhead," the first guy says.

　　“好吧，一只秃鹰刚刚从我们头顶飞过。”第一个人说。

　　"Oh," says the second guy.

　　“哦。”

　　A couple of minutes later, The first guy says, "Did you see that?"

　　几分钟以后，第一个人说：“你看见了么?”

　　"See what?" the second guy asks.

　　“看见什么?”第二个人问。

　　"Are you blind? There was a big, black bear walking on that hill, over there."

　　“你瞎了么?一只大黑熊在山上跑呢，就那儿!”

　　"Oh."

　　“哦。”

　　A few minutes later the first guy says: "Did you see that?"

　　几分钟后第一个人又说;“你看见了么?”

　　By now, the second guy is getting aggravated, so he says, "Yes, I did!"

　　这个时候，第二个人已经不耐烦了，所以他说;“是的，我看见啦!”

　　And the first guy says: "Then why did you step in it?"

　　第一个人说;“那你还往上踩?”

世界上最好笑的英语笑话大全

　　英语笑话幽默话语分析的理论不断推陈出新,但是对于把英语作为外语学习的中国读者而言,文化因素在解读幽默的过程中扮演着更加重要的角色。下面是我带来的世界上最好笑的英语笑话，欢迎阅读! 　　世界上最好笑的英语笑话篇一 　　一切都很好 Been Okay 　　Things Have Been Okay. 　　A young couple was being anxious about their four-year-old son, who had not yet talked. They took him to specialists, but the doctors found nothing wrong with him. 　　Then one morning at breakfast the boy suddenly blurted, "Mom, the toast is burned." 　　"You talked! You talked!" shouted his mother. "I’m so happy! But why has it taken this long." 　　"Well, up till now," said the boy, "things have been okay." 　　中文： 　　一对年轻的夫妇对于他们四岁的儿子仍然不会说话这件事非常着急。他们带他去看专家，但是医生们找不出任何不正常的地方。 　　之后有一天早上，这个男孩突然说道：“妈妈，面包拷糊了。” 　　“你说话了!你说话了!”他的妈妈嚷道。“我真高兴!但是为什么要我们等这么长的时间呢?” 　　“嗯，直到现在，”男孩说，“每件事都很正常啊。” 　　世界上最好笑的英语笑话篇二 　　Who Is the Laziest? 　　Father: Well, Tom, I asked to your teacher today, and now I want to ask you a question. Who is the laziest person in your class? 　　Tom: I don’t know, father. 　　Father: Oh, yes, you do! Think! When other boys and girls are doing and writing, who sits in the class and only watches how other people work? 　　Tom: Our teacher, father. 　　中文： 　　父亲：哎，汤姆，今天我跟你们老师谈过，现在我想问你个问题。你们班上谁最懒? 　　汤姆：我不知道，爸爸。 　　父亲：啊，不对，你知道!想想看，当别的孩子们都在做作业、写字时，谁在课堂上坐着，只是看人家做功课? 　　汤姆：我们老师，爸爸。 　　世界上最好笑的英语笑话篇三 　　I think that I’m a chicken 　　Psychiatrist: What’s your problem? 　　Patient: I think I’m a chicken. 　　Psychiatrist: How long has this been going on? 　　Patient: Ever since I was an egg! 　　精神病医师：你哪里不舒服? 　　病人：我认为我是一只鸡。 　　精神病医师：这种情况从什么时候开始的? 　　病人：从我还是一只蛋的时候开始。 　　世界上最好笑的英语笑话篇四 　　看见一只死鸟了吗 Bird 　　A brunette and a blonde are walking along in a park one morning. Suddenly, the brunette notices a dead bird. "A, look at the dead birdie," she says sadly. The blonde stops, looks up into the sky, and says, "Where? Where?" 　　译文： 　　一天早晨，一位黑人女人和一位金发女郎正走在公园里。 　　突然，黑人女人发现了一只死去的小鸟。“哦!看这只死去的小鸟。”她悲伤地说。 　　金发女郎停下了脚步，她抬头望着天空，问道：“哪，在那?” Notebrunette: 浅黑肤色的女人 　　世界上最好笑的英语笑话篇五 　　欺骗的代价 The Revenge 　　Old Farmer Johnson was dying. The family was standing around his bed. With a low voice he said to his wife: "When I’m dead I want you to marry farmer Jones." 　　Wife: "No, I can’t marry anyone after you." 　　Johnson: "But I want you to." 　　Wife: "But why?" 　　Johnson: "Jones once cheated me in a horse deal!" 　　译文： 　　老农约翰逊就要死了。他的家人都站在床边。他声音低沉地对妻子说：“我死后，我想你嫁给农夫琼斯。” 　　妻子说：“不，在你死后，我不能嫁给任何人。” 　　约翰逊：“但我希望你这么做。” 　　妻子：“为什么?” 　　约翰逊：“因为琼斯曾在一笔贩马的交易中欺骗了我。” 　　

英语幽默笑话7篇

　　笑话是一种经过艺术加工的语言形式,是艺术化的语言，笑话是一种艺术 方法 ，用这种方法造成以笑为艺术手段的文学艺术作品。下面是我整理的英语幽默笑话6篇，欢迎大家阅读!

　　 英语笑话 一：Is he dying?

　　A man was sitting in a bar with tears streaming down his face. A friend walked in and asked why he was so unhappy. The weeping one said, The doctor has just told me I’ll have to take these tablets for the rest of my life.

　　Cheerfully, his friend pointed out that many people have to take tablets every day of their life. Sure, came the reply, but he only gave me ten.

　　一个男人坐在酒吧里痛哭流泪。一个朋友走进来问他为何如此伤心。那人哭着说：刚才医生告诉我，在我的余生里都要吃这些药片。

　　他的朋友很轻松地指出，许多人一辈子每天都要吃药。当然，男人回答说：但是他只给了我十片。

　　英语笑话二：The blonde and the farmer

　　There was a blonde that was so sick of blonde jokes she died her hair red. The jokes stopped and she felt so good, she took a ride in the country one Saturday afternoon. While on this ride, she noticed a flock of sheep and stopped the car to take&n......。

　　一个金发女郎，是那么恶心的黄色笑话她把头发染成红色。笑话停了下来，她觉得很好，她在农村的一个搭车的星期六下午。而在这旅程，她注意到一群羊，停下车来把......。

　　英语笑话三：太晚了 It’s Too Late

　　A medical student was called on to state how much of a certain drug he would give to a patient. He promptly replied: "Five grains."

　　A minute later the student asked the professor, "May I correct my answer?" The professor looked at his watch and said: "It’s too late. Your patient died thirty seconds ago."

　　一个医科学生被要求说明他给病人服的那种药的用量。他立即回答道：“五粒。”

　　一分钟后，这个学生问教授：“我可以改正我的回答吗?”教授看看手表，说：“太晚啦，你的病人已在30秒钟以前死了。”

　　英语笑话四：The Fish Net

　　Can you tell me what fish net is made, Ann?

　　“你能告诉我鱼网是什么做的吗，安?” 老师发问道。

　　A lot of little holes tied together with strings. replied the little girl.

　　“把许多小孔用绳子栓在一起就成了鱼网了。”小女孩回答道。

　　英语笑话五：脑移植 A Brain Transplant

　　The Brain Surgeon was about to perform a brain transplant.

　　"You have your choice of two brains," he told the patient, "For $1000 you can have the brain of a psychologist, or for $10,000 you can have the brain of a politician."

　　The patient was amazed at the huge difference in price. "Is the brain of a politician that much better?" he asked.

　　The Brain Surgeon replied, "No, it’s not better, just unused."

　　一个外科医生正要作一个脑移植手术。

　　“你可以从两个脑子中选一个给你。”医生告诉病人，“一个心理学家的大脑1000美元，一个政治家的大脑10000美元。

　　病人很惊讶二者之间这样大的差别，“政治家的大脑好一些吗?”他问。

　　医生说：“不是好一些，只是没有用过。”

　　英语笑话六：最丑的孩子

　　A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The driver says: "Ugh, that’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen."

　　一位女士抱着她的宝宝上公交车，司机看到后说：“额，那是我这辈子见过的最丑的小孩。”

　　The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me." The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I’ll hold your monkey for you."

　　女士走到车厢后面坐下，感到很愤怒。她对旁边的男士说：“司机刚刚羞辱了我。”男士回应说：“你快上去斥责他。去吧，我替你抱着你的猴子。”

　　英语笑话七：我娶了你的姐妹

　　A woman whose husband often came home drunk decided to cure him of the habit. One Halloween night, she put on a devil suit and hid behind a tree to intercept him on the way home.

　　一位妇人发现丈夫回家的时候总是烂醉如泥，她决定为丈夫治好这个毛病。一个 万圣节 夜里，她穿上一套魔鬼戏服，躲在树后，准备在丈夫返家时拦截他的去路。

　　When her husband came by, she jumped out and stood before him with her red horns, long tail, and pitchfork.

　　当丈夫走近时，她从树后跳出来，站到他面前，头上带着红色的羊角、身后有长长的尾巴，手中握着钢叉。

　　"Who are you?" he asked.

　　“你是谁?”丈夫问到。

　　"I’m the Devil!" she responded.

　　“我是魔鬼!”她回答到。

　　"Well, come on home with me," he said, "I married your sister!"

　　“噢，那你跟我一起回家吧，”丈夫说，“我娶了你的姐妹!”

英语课堂上的幽默笑话

英语课堂上的幽默笑话

　　笑话指引人发笑的小故事。我整理的英语课堂上的幽默笑话相关内容，希望大家喜欢!

　　英语课堂上的幽默笑话 篇1

　　One

　　小明上英文课时跟老师说：May I go to the toilet?

　　老师说：Go ahead.

　　小明就坐了下来。

　　过了一会儿，小明又跟老师说：May I go to the toilet?

　　老师说：Go ahead.

　　小明又坐了下来。他旁边的同学于是忍不住问：你不是跟老师说要上厕所吗?怎么不去?

　　小明说：你没听老师说“去你个头”啊!

　　Two

　　某日，小明学习了how to spell it?这一句型。回家后,妈妈看见他手上的玩具表，问道：

　　妈妈：What’s on your hand?

　　小明：Watch.

　　妈妈：How to spell that?

　　小明：T-H-A-T~

　　Three

　　某日，老师教小涛，英语中，姓氏可以放在名字后面。小明放学后碰到一个外国人，于是他勇敢地上去与外国人对话。

　　小明：How are you? My name is HongTao Liu.

　　外国人：Oh, my god! 我还是方片七呢!

　　Fou r

　　一日，小明心情有很好，于是他夸赞英语老师漂亮。

　　小明：Miss Jiang, you are very beautiful.

　　老师听后心花怒放，嘴上还要谦虚一下：“哪里，哪里”。

　　小明心想：老师的意思就是“Where? Where?"，天哪，还有这样的人，非要追问哪里漂亮的，干脆马屁拍到底：

　　"Everywhere, everywhere."

　　老师：……

　　Five

　　小明刻苦学习英语，终有小成。一日上街不慎与一老外相撞， 忙说：I am sorry.

　　老外应道：I am sorry too.

　　小明听后又道：I am sorry three.

　　老外不解，问：What are you sorry for?

　　小明无奈，道：I am sorry five.

　　Six

　　一日，小明上课打磕睡，于是英语老师向小明提问。

　　老师：小明，How are you是什么意思?

　　小明心想：how是怎么，you 是你，于是回答“怎么是你?”

　　老师很生气，又问：“那How old are you ?是什么意思?”

　　小明心想：old是老的，于是回答怎么老是你?”

　　英语课堂上的幽默笑话 篇2

　　心不在焉的老师

　　An Absent Minded ProfessorA notoriously absentminded professor was one day observed walking along the street with one foot continually in the gutter，the other on the pavement. A pupil meeting him said： “Good evening，professor.How are you? “Well，” answered the professor，“I thought I was all right when I left home，but now I don’t know what’s the matter with me.I’ve been limping for the last half hour.”

　　有一天，人们看见一个有名的心不在焉的老师在路上走，他的一只脚一直踏在街沟里，另一只脚踩在人行道上。 一个碰见他的学生说： “晚安，老师。您怎么了?” “啊，”这位老师回答说：“我想我离开家的时候还挺好的，可是现在我不知道出了什么毛病。我已经一瘸一拐走了半个小时了。”

　　英语课堂上的幽默笑话 篇3

　　谁的儿子最伟大

　　The mothers of four priests got together and were discussing their sons. "My son is a monsignor," said the first proud woman. "When he enters a room, people say, ’Hello, Monsignor’." The second mother went on, "My son is a bishop. When he enters a room, people say, ’Hello, Your Excellency’."

　　"My son is a cardinal." continued the next one. "When he enters a room, people say, ’Hello, Your Eminence’.

　　" The fourth mother thought for a moment. "My son is six-foot-ten and weighs 300 pounds, " she said. "When he enters a room, people say, ’Oh, my God’!"

　　四位牧师的母亲聚到一起谈论她们的.儿子。“我的儿子是个教士，”第一位母亲自豪地说道，“他进入房间，人们都说，‘您好，阁下’。”

　　第二为母亲说：“我的儿子是位主教。他进入房间，人们都称，‘您好，大人’。” “我的儿子是位红衣主教，”第三位母亲接着说，“他走进房间，人们都说，‘您好，尊敬的主教大人’。”

　　第四位母亲略思片刻。“我的儿子身高六英尺十，体重三百磅，”她说，“他要是走入房间，人们都说‘哦，我的上帝’!”

　　英语课堂上的幽默笑话 篇4

　　为什么六怕七呢?

　　Q: Why was six scared of seven?

　　A: Because seven "ate" nine.

　　问题：为什么六怕七呢?

　　回答：因为七连九都能吃掉呢!

　　(笑点：本应该是seven eight nine, 但是利用了发音相同，将eight用ate(吃)替换掉了。)

　　用“beans(豆子)”造句

　　A teacher asked her students to use the word "beans" in a sentence. "My father grows beans," said one girl. "My mother cooks beans," said a boy. A third student spoke up, "We are all human beans."

　　一名老师让学生们利用单词“beans(豆子)”造句，其中一个女孩说“我爸爸种豆子”。另外一个同学说“我妈妈炒豆子”。第三名学生说“我们是人类”。

　　(笑点：老师让用的单词是beans，豆子的意思，结果，第三个学生将beings 和 beans 搞混了，因为发音相同。)

　　两块蛋糕

　　Tom: Mom, can I have two pieces of cake, please?

　　Mom: Certainly take this piece and cut it two!

　　汤姆：妈妈，我可以吃两块蛋糕吗?

　　妈妈：当然可以，拿这块蛋糕把它切成两块吧!

英语幽默笑话大全带翻译

　　笑话能反映出一个民族的价值系统及其对周围世界肯定和否定的态度。下面是我带来的英语幽默笑话带翻译，欢迎阅读! 　　英语幽默笑话带翻译精选 　　***一*** 　　他的得数只比正确答案多二 　　Jack Hawkins was the football coach at an Amercian college, and he was always trying to find good players, but they weren’t always *** art enought to be accepted by the college. One day the coach brought an excellent young player to the dean of the college and asked that the student be allowed to enter without an examination. "Well," the dean said after some persuasion, "I’d better ask him a few questions first." Then he turned to the student and asked him some very easy questions, but the student didn’t know any of the answers. At last the dean said, "Well, what’s five times seven?" The student thought for a long time and then answered, "Thirty-six." The dean threw up his hands and looked at the coach in despair, but the coach said earnestly, "Oh, please let him in, sir! He was only wrong by two." 　　杰克霍金斯是美国一所学院的橄榄球队教练，他竭力想物色好球员。但是好球员学业不行，院方不愿录取。 有一天，教练带着一位优秀的年轻球员去见院长，希望院方同意他免试入学。经过一番劝说后院长说：“那我最好先问问他几个问题。” 然后他转向学生，问了几个非常简单的问题。可是那个学生一个也答不上来。 最后院长说：“那么，五乘七得多少?” 学生想了很久，然后回答说：“三十六。” 院长摊开双手失望地看教练。可是教练认真地说，“噢，录取他吧，先生。他的答案只比正确答案多二。” 　　***二*** 　　基本原则 　　One of my favorite teachers at Southeast Missouri State University in Cape Girardeau wasknown of his droll sense of humor. Explaining his ground rules to one freshman class, he said, "Now I know my lectures can often be dry and boring, so I don’t mind if you look at yourwatches during class. I do, however, object to your pounding them on the desk to make surethey’re still running." 　　位于吉拉多海角的密苏里东南州立大学有一位我非常喜欢的老师，他奇特的幽默感很是出名。在对一个新生班级讲解他的基本原则时，他说：“我知道我的讲课可能经常会枯燥乏味，了无生趣，所以如果你们在上课时看表我并不介意。不过我坚决反对你们将表在课桌上猛敲看它们是不是还在走。” 　　英语幽默笑话带翻译阅读 　　***一*** 　　A Life for a Life 　　以“命”抵命 　　The English author, Richard Savage, was once living inLondon in great poverty. In order toearn a little money he hadwritten the story of his life, but not many copies of the bookhad beensold in the shops, and Savage was living from hand tomouth. As a result of his lack of food hebecame very ill, but after a time, owing to the skill of the doctor who had lookedafter him, hegot well again. 　　英国作家理查德·萨维奇一度在伦敦过著贫困潦倒的生活，为了赚几个钱，他曾写了有关他自己生平的故事。但是这部书在书店里并没有卖出几本，萨维奇过著朝不保夕的日子。由于缺乏食物，他病得很厉害。后来，由于给他治疗的那个医生的高明医术，他才又恢复了健康。 　　After a week or two the doctorsent a bill to Savage for his visits, but poor Savage hadn’tanymoney and couldn’t pay it. The doctor waited for another month and sent the bill again. Butstill no money came. Afterseveral weeks he sent it to him again asking for his money. Inthe endhe came to Savage’s house and asked him for payment, saying to Savage, “You know you oweyour life to me and Iexpected some gratitude from you.” 　　过了一两个星期之后，医生给萨维奇送来了一张讨要诊费的帐单，但是贫穷的萨维奇没有钱来偿付。医生等了一个月后又送来了帐单，但仍然未索回分文。几个星期之后，他又送来帐单要钱。最后，医生本人来到了萨维奇的家中，对他说：“你明白，你是欠我一条命的，我希望你有所报答。” 　　“I agree,” said Savage, “that I owe my life to you, and toprove to you that I am not ungratefulfor your work I will givemy life to you.” 　　“是的，”萨维奇说，“我是欠你一条命，为了向你证明我对你的诊治不是不报答，我将把我的命给你。” 　　With these words he handed to him two volumes entitled,The life of Richard Savage. 　　说著这番话，萨维奇递给医生两卷书，名叫《理查德·萨维奇的一生》。 　　***二*** 　　区别 　　"I can always tell a graduate class from an undergraduate class," observed the instructor in oneof my graduate engineering courses at California State University in Los Angeles. "When I say,’Good afternoon,’ the undergraduates respond, ’Good afternoon." But the graduate studentsjust write it down." 　　“研究生班和本科生很容易就能区别开来，”在洛杉矶加利福利亚州立大学给我们研究生上工程学课的老师如此说。“我说‘下午好’，本科生们回答说‘下午好’。研究生们则把我说的话记在笔记本上。” 　　英语幽默笑话带翻译学习 　　***一*** 　　抄袭 　　A friend of mine who teachs European history at Washington University in St. Louis tell aboutthe time he spotted a plagiarized term paper. He summoned the student to his office. "This isn’tyour work." he said. "Someone typed it for you straight out of the encyclopedia. "You cann’tprove that!" the student sputtered. My friend amiled and show him the paper. Circled in redwas: "Also see article on muni *** ." 　　我有个朋友在圣路易斯的华盛顿大学教欧洲历史，他说有一次他发现了一篇抄袭的学期论文。他把那个学生叫到了办公室。“这不是你写的，”他说，“有人帮你从百科全书上原封不动地列印了下来。” “你没有证据。”那学生气急败坏地说。 我朋友笑了，他把论文拿给他看。用红笔圈出来的是：“也可参阅共产主义一文。” 　　***二*** 　　Get Ready! 　　A story around campus has it taht a student once sent a telegram to his parents reading: "Mom - flunked all courses. Kicked out of school. Prepare Pop." Two days later he received a response: "Pop prepared. Prepare yourself." 　　校园里流传着这样的故事：一个学生一次给父母拍了一份电报，上面写着：“妈妈-我所有功课都不及格，被学校开除。让爸爸做好准备。” 两天以后，他收到了回电：“爸爸已准备好。你自己做好准备吧!”

幽默的英语笑话短文

幽默的英语笑话短文（精选11篇）

　　在繁忙的学习工作中，适时读一些幽默笑话，放松自己，劳逸结合十分重要。下面是我整理的幽默的英语笑话短文（精选11篇），希望大家喜欢！

　　幽默的英语笑话短文 篇1

　　The Brain Surgeon was about to perform a brain transplant.

　　"You have your choice of two brains," he told the patient,"For $1000 you can have the brain of a psychologist,or for $10,000 you can have the brain of a politician."

　　The patient was amazed at the huge difference in price."Is the brain of a politician that much better?" he asked.

　　The Brain Surgeon replied,"No,it’s not better,just unused."

　　一个外科医生正要作一个脑移植手术。

　　“你可以从两个脑子中选一个给你。”医生告诉病人，“一个心理学家的大脑1000美元，一个政治家的大脑10000美元。

　　病人很惊讶二者之间这样大的.差别，“政治家的大脑好一些吗?”他问。

　　医生说：“不是好一些，只是没有用过。”

　　幽默的英语笑话短文 篇2

　　Mike:Mum,I want to watch TV.

　　Mum:There is no electricity tonight.

　　Mike:Then let’s watch TVwith a candie on.

　　迈克：妈妈，我想看电视。

　　妈妈：今晚停电了。

　　迈克：那我们就点着蜡烛看吧。

　　幽默的英语笑话短文 篇3

　　The Fish Net

　　"Can you tell me what fish net is made,Ann?"

　　"A lot of little holes tied together with strings." replied the little girl.

　　"你能告诉我鱼网是什么做的吗，安?" 老师发问道。

　　"把许多小孔用绳子栓在一起就成了鱼网了。" 小女孩回答道。

　　幽默的英语笑话短文 篇4

　　Little Robert asked his mother for two cents."What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"

　　"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.

　　"You’re a good boy," said the mother proudly."Here are two cents more.But why are you so interested in the old woman?"

　　"She is the one who sells the candy."

　　小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。

　　“昨天给你的钱干什么了?”

　　“我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢?”

　　“她是个卖糖果的。”

　　幽默的英语笑话短文 篇5

　　I’ve Just Bitten My Tongue

　　"Are we poisonous?" the young snake asked his mother.

　　"Yes,dear," she replied - "Why do you ask?"

　　"Cause I’ve just bitten my tongue! "

　　我刚咬破自己的舌头

　　“我们有毒吗?”一个年幼的蛇问它的母亲。

　　“是的，亲爱的，”她回答说，“你问这个干什么?”

　　“因为我刚刚咬破自己的舌头。”

　　幽默的英语笑话短文 篇6

　　It was rush hour and I was dashing to a train in New York City’s Grand Central Terminal - As I neared the gate,a plump,middle-aged woman sprinted up from behind,lost her footing on the smooth marble floor and slid onto her back.Her momentum carried her close to my shoes.Before I could help her,however,she had scrambled up.Gaining her composure,she winked at me and said,"Do you always have beautiful women failing at your feet?"

　　上下班高峰期，我匆匆奔向纽约豪华中心站去赶一趟火车。接近门口，一位肥胖的中年妇女从后面冲过来，没想到在平滑的大理石地面上失了脚，仰面滑倒了。她的惯性使她接近了我的脚。我正准备扶她，她却自己爬了起来。她镇定了一下，对我挤了一下眉，说道：“总是有漂亮女人拜倒在你脚下吗?”

　　幽默的英语笑话短文 篇7

　　-- My uncle has 1000 men under him.

　　-- He is really somebody.What does he do?

　　-- A maintenance man in a cemetery.

　　-- 我叔叔下面有1000个人。

　　-- 他真是一个大人物。干什么的?

　　-- 墓地守墓人。

　　幽默的英语笑话短文 篇8

　　Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States,she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her.At the bank counter,the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real.It made the old lady out of patience.

　　At last she could not hold any more,uttering."Trust me,Sir,and trust the money.They are real US dollars.They are directly from America."

　　一位中国老妇人在美国看望女儿回来不久，到一家市银行存女儿送给她的美元。在银行柜台，银行职员认真检查了每一张钞票，看是否有假。

　　这种做法让老妇人很不耐烦，最后实在忍耐不住说：“相信我，先生，也请你相信这些钞票。这都是真正的美元，它们是从美国直接带来的。”

　　幽默的英语笑话短文 篇9

　　Mrs.Brown:Oh,my dear,I have lost my precious little dog!

　　Mrs.Smith:But you must put an advertisement in the papers!

　　Mrs.Brown:It’s no use,my little dog can’t read.

　　布朗夫人：哦，亲爱的，我把珍爱的小狗给丢了!

　　史密斯夫人：可是你该在报纸上登广告啊!

　　布朗夫人：没有用的，我的小狗不认识字。”

　　幽默的英语笑话短文 篇10

　　—Waiter,this lobster has only one claw.

　　-- I’m sorry,sir.It must have been in a fight.

　　-- Well,bring me the winner then.

　　-- 服务员， 这个龙虾只有一只爪。

　　-- 对不起，先生，这只肯定打过架了。

　　-- 哦， 那给我那个打赢的吧。九十岁了。每当要搬东西，抬东西或者装东西时，他们就叫喊，“让小的干吧。”

　　幽默的英语笑话短文 篇11

　　teacher:here are two birds,one is a swallow,the other is sparrow.now who can tell us which is which?

　　student:i cannot point out but i know the answer.

　　teacher:please tell us.

　　student:the swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.

英语幽默笑话

英语幽默笑话15则

　　你身边真正的朋友，跟你美丑没多大关系，跟你有钱没钱没多大关系，下面我给大家收集整理了英语幽默笑话，一起来学学幽默，收集好人缘吧!

　　1、我懂他的话

　　While eating in a restaurant, I reprimanded my four-year-old son for speaking with his mouth full . "Mump umn Kmpfhm," was all I heard.

　　"Drew," I scolded, "no one can understand a word you’re saying.

　　"He says he wants some ketchup," my husband said calmly .　A woman sitting nearby leaned over and asked, "How in the world did you understand him?"

　　"I’m a dentist," my husband explained.

　　在饭店吃饭的时候，我申斥我4岁的儿子，因为他满嘴食物在说话。“喔、呢”，我听到的就是这些。 “祖，”我责备道，“没人明白你在说什么。” “他说他要一些番茄酱，”我丈夫平静地说。坐在旁边的一位妇女靠过来问道：“你究竟如何明白他的话的呢?” “我是牙医。”我丈夫解释道。

　　2、我 可 以 回 家 了

　　One day after school the teacher said to his students，“Tomorrow morning，if any one of you can answer my first question.I’ll permit him or her to go home earlier.” The next day，when the teacher came into the classroom，he found the blackboard daubed.He was very angry and asked，“Who did it?Please stand up! ” “It’ s me，”said Bob，“Now，I can go home，Good-bye，Sir! ”

　　一天，放学以后，老师对他的学生们说：“明天上午，如果你们当中的任何一个同学能回答我的第一个问题，我就准许他或她最先回家。”第二天，老师走进教室时发现黑板已被乱涂，他非常生气地问：“谁涂的? 请站起来。”鲍勃说：“先生，是我，现在我可以回家了，再见。”

　　3、怎么把口香糖取出来呢

　　Distributing chewing gum to the passengers, the stewardess explained it was to keep their ears from popping. When the plane landed, one of the passengers rushed up to her and said, I’m meeting my wife right away. How do I get the gum out from my ears?

　　怎么把口香糖取出来呢当空中小姐给乘客们发口香糖的时候，她解释说口香糖有助于他们防止耳鸣。飞机着陆后，一位乘客跑到这位空中小姐面前，说道：“ 我马上就要见到我妻子了。我怎么才能把口香糖从耳朵里面取出来呢?”

　　4、谁是世界上第一个男人

　　A teacher said to her class:”Who was the first man?”“George Washington,”a little boy shouted promptly.

　　“How do you make out that George Washington was the first man?”asked the teacher，smiling indulgently.“Because,” said the little boy, “he was first in war, first in peace, and first in the hearts of his countrymen.”But at this point a larger boy held up his hand.“Well,”said the teacher to him, “who do you think was the first man?”

　　“I don’t know what his name was,”said the larger boy, “but I know it wasn’t George Washington, ma’am, because the history book says George Washington married a widow, so, of course, there must have been a man ahead of him.”

　　一个老师问她的学生：“谁是世界上第一个男人”一个小男孩立刻大声说：“乔治.华盛顿。”老师带着宠溺的笑容问这个男生：“你如何证明乔治华盛顿是世界上第一个男人呢。”这个男孩子说：“因为，他是第一个挑起战争，第一个主张和平，并且是第一个深得民心的人。”这时，有一个年龄稍大的男孩子举起手来，老师问他，“你认为谁是世界第一个男人?”男孩回答说：“我不知道他的名字，但是我肯定他不是乔治华盛顿，因为历史书上说，乔治华盛顿和一个寡妇结婚了，所以在他之前，当然还有一个男的啦。

　　5、没想到那么贵

　　A shoplifter was caught red-handed trying to steal a watch from a jewelry store. "Listen," said the shoplifter, "I know you don’t want any trouble either. What do you say I just buy the watch, and we forget about this?" The manager agreed and wrote up the sales slip. The crook looked at the slip and said, "This is a little more than I intended to spend."

　　一个小偷在一家珠宝店企图偷走一只手表的时候被当场擒获。“听着，”小偷说，“我知道你们也不想惹麻烦。我把这只表买下，然后我们就当什么也没发生，你看怎样?”经理表示同意，然后列了一张售货单。小偷看着单子说道：“这比我最初的预算稍稍高了一点，你们还有没有便宜一点儿东西。”

　　6、瞎子的判断

　　Once there was a blind. One day when he was walking, he

　　stepped the head of the dog who was sleeping. The dog barked for a while. The blind man went on for miles, this time he stepped the other dog’s tail, so this dog barked. The blind man had thought that it was the first dog, so he said in surprise, It’s a wonder that the dog is so long.

　　从前有个瞎子。一天，他正在行路时踩着了一只正在睡觉的狗的脑袋，狗汪汪汪地叫了一阵。这人又往前走，这回踩着的是另外一只狗的尾巴，狗又汪汪汪地叫起来。瞎子以为还是那条狗，惊诧地说：奇怪，这只狗可真够长的。

　　7、我没有看到另外一块

　　Mother: I left two pieces of cake in the cupboard this morning, Johnny, and now there is only one piece left. Can you explain that?Johnny: Well, I suppose it was so dark that I didn’t notice the other.

　　妈妈：约翰尼，我今天早上在橱子里放了两块点心。现在就剩下一块了。你能解释一下吗?约翰尼：嗯，我想是因为里面太黑我没看到另外那块。

　　8、好客

　　The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple-pie without any cheese. The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guest’s plate. The visitor smiled, put the cheese into his mouth and then said: "You must have better eyes than your mother, sonny. Where did you find the cheese?" "In the rat-trap, sir," replied the boy.

　　由于客人在吃苹果馅饼时，家里没有奶酪了，于是女主人向大家表示歉意。这家的小男孩悄悄地离开了屋子。过了一会儿，他拿着一片奶酪回到房间，把奶酪放在客人的盘子里。 客人微笑着把奶酪放进嘴里说：“孩子，你的眼睛就是比你妈妈的好。你在哪里找到的奶酪?” “在捕鼠夹上，先生。”那小男孩说。

　　9、新老师

　　eorge comes from school on the first of September."George, how did you like your new teacher?" asked his mother."I didn’t like her, Mother, because she said that three and three were six and then she said that two and four were six too....."

　　9月1日， 乔治放学回到家里。“乔治，你喜欢你们的新老师吗?” 妈妈问。“妈妈，我不喜欢，因为她说3加3得6, 可后来又说2加4也得6。”

　　10、铅笔

　　he Astronaut Pen During the heat of the space race in the 1960s, the U.S. National Aeronautics and Space Administration decided it needed a ball point pen to write in the zero gravity confines of its space capsules. After considerable research and development, the Astronaut Pen was developed at a cost of approximately $$1 million U.S. The pen worked and also enjoyed some modest success as a novelty item back here on earth. The Soviet Union, faced with the same problem, used a pencil.

　　在二十世纪六十年代，美国和苏联正处于太空竞赛的白热化阶段，美国航空航天局决定研制一种圆珠笔，以便在太空舱重力为零的环境下仍然可以书写。经过大量的研发工作，花费了大约一百万美元的成本，太空笔终于研制出来了。那支笔果然可以在太空书写，在回到地球后，作为一样新奇的小玩意儿也确实吸引了一些目光。而面临着同样难题的苏联，则选择了一支铅笔。

　　11、心不在焉的老师

　　An Absent Minded ProfessorA notoriously absentminded professor was one day observed walking along the street with one foot continually in the gutter，the other on the pavement. A pupil meeting him said： “Good evening，professor.How are you? “Well，” answered the professor，“I thought I was all right when I left home，but now I don’t know what’s the matter with me.I’ve been limping for the last half hour.”

　　有一天，人们看见一个有名的心不在焉的老师在路上走，他的一只脚一直踏在街沟里，另一只脚踩在人行道上。 一个碰见他的`学生说： “晚安，老师。您怎么了?” “啊，”这位老师回答说：“我想我离开家的时候还挺好的，可是现在我不知道出了什么毛病。我已经一瘸一拐走了半个小时了。”

　　12、谁的儿子最伟大

　　The mothers of four priests got together and were discussing their sons. "My son is a monsignor," said the first proud woman. "When he enters a room, people say, ’Hello, Monsignor’." The second mother went on, "My son is a bishop. When he enters a room, people say, ’Hello, Your Excellency’."

　　"My son is a cardinal." continued the next one. "When he enters a room, people say, ’Hello, Your Eminence’.

　　" The fourth mother thought for a moment. "My son is six-foot-ten and weighs 300 pounds, " she said. "When he enters a room, people say, ’Oh, my God’!"

　　四位牧师的母亲聚到一起谈论她们的儿子。“我的儿子是个教士，”第一位母亲自豪地说道，“他进入房间，人们都说，‘您好，阁下’。”

　　第二为母亲说：“我的儿子是位主教。他进入房间，人们都称，‘您好，大人’。” “我的儿子是位红衣主教，”第三位母亲接着说，“他走进房间，人们都说，‘您好，尊敬的主教大人’。”

　　第四位母亲略思片刻。“我的儿子身高六英尺十，体重三百磅，”她说，“他要是走入房间，人们都说‘哦，我的上帝’!

　　13、国王的兄弟

　　A poor man， presenting himself before the King of Spain，asked his charity， telling him that he was his brother． Theking desiring to know how he claimed kindred to him， the poorfellow replied，“We are all descended from one common fatherand mother—viz．， Adam and Eve．” Upon which the kinggave him a little copper piece of money． The poor man beganto bemoan himself， saying，“Is it possible that your Majestyshould give no more than this to your brother？”“Away，away，”replies the king；“if all the brothers you have in theworld give you as much as I have done， you’ll be richer than Iam．”

　　一个穷汉去见西班牙国王，说自己是他的兄弟，求他施恩周济。国王想知道他何以攀认亲戚，穷汉回答说，“我们有共同的祖先——亚 当和夏娃。”听了这话，国王就给了他一个小铜子儿。于是穷人开始叫屈，说：“难道您国王陛下就给兄弟这么一点点钱吗？”“走开，快走，”国王回答，“如果世界上你所有的兄弟们都像我这样给你一个铜板，你就比我还有钱了。”

　　14、和上帝对话

　　He says: "God,what is a million dollars to you?"and God says: "A penny,then the man says: "God,what is a million years to you?”and God says: ¨a second", then the man says: “God,can I have a penny ?"and God says:"In a second."

　　他问：“主啊，一百万美元对你意味着多少?”上帝回答：¨一便士。” 男子又问：“那一百万年呢，?”上帝说：“一秒钟。”最后男子请求道：”上帝，我能得到一便士吗?“上帝回答：“过一秒钟。”

　　15、 成年人的抉择

　　The year before my son turned 18, he constantly pleaded to be allowed to a have tattoo, but I refused to sign permission for one.He argued that soon he would be a man and he should be able to make adult decisions. Sure enough,a few days after his 18th birthday,he come home with a tattoo. Although l was not happy about this, I was curious to see what symbol of masculin’, he had chosen. There, on his shoulder,was a two inch image of Mickey Mouse.

　　我儿子十八岁前的那一年，常常向我提出准许他文身。但我拒绝允许他这么做。他争辩说他不久就要成为男子汉了，并说他应该能够做出成年人的抉择了。果然，十八岁生日的几天后，他文了身，回到家里。尽管我对此感到不高兴，但出于好奇，我想看看他选择了什么雄性象征物。原来他在肩上文了一个两英寸长的米老鼠像。